Friends & Leaders Part 2: Friends Not Leaders – The Clear Distinction.
In his article, “Managing your ministry relationships” (Leadership Now; Spring, 2003 p7), Dr. A. R. Bernard writes that John was the one Jesus loved but he wasn’t the one given the mantle to feed the sheep. That was given to Peter – the disciple who loved Jesus. There is a very important distinction between the people who you love and the people that love you. The people you love don’t always qualify for leadership. When it comes to making a decision to bring people close to you, it is the people who love you who will serve you better, because, if they love you, they will love what you love.
I’ve made the mistake of thinking that because someone is a good friend, they will make a good leader – boy was I wrong. And the worst thing is, when the individual’s leadership crumbles and correction is needed, it can often have an affect on the friendship.
It’s an undesired fact that, in church life, people will always come and go. Having been at the one church for over a decade I have had the privilege of building lasting friendships, even with people who have since moved on. But I’ve also witnessed people who have mixed the distinction between friend and leader. When the leaders, who are your only friends, move on, you’re left a lonely person who has lost a friend and a leader – a perfect recipe for a wounded soul.
I encourage you to always seek to develop a good relationship between you and your leaders, but leave the core relationships for your friends who are not a following your leadership.